146 sleeps

I’m trying to book my flight. I need a flight that is cheap, pleasant, and quick on the layover.

I’ve narrowed it down to three, based on the above criteria and in that order: Icelandair, Alitalia and Emirates.

According to recent press releases, Icelandair planes have a ‘new, modern look’. I know what that means. Ethiopian Airways also had a ‘new, modern look’ when I flew them in ’99. It meant that they glued all the little individual ashtrays in each seat shut and put new carpeting on the floor. First obvious question: how old is the plane that it has individual ashtrays in each seat? The plane shuddered down each runway (in New York, in Rome, in Ethiopia, in Tanzania, in Zambia, in Zimbabwe and finally, at long last, in South Africa) and the left wing engine had a cute and playful way of smoking on take-off. I have since learnt from a Virgin Atlantic air stewardess that engine-smoking-on-take-off is Not A Good Thing.

Alitalia has also been all over the press lately, with headlines such as “Alitalia cancels 100 flights a day” and “Alitalia debts soar as flights hit day seven”. Hmmmm. Wasn’t there recently some scandale with Alitalia air stewardesses complaining about the low levels of hygiene in the planes? Or was that another carrier? I have flown them a couple of times. The airplane food is great but... but... I seem to remember something about bouncing down the runway in Toronto in a not quite a straight line fashion, oxygen masks swinging wildly in the air, passengers yelping. It was an exciting moment; one that will be burnt into my brain forever.

Finally, I have the Emirates option. I have never flown them before. Their planes for this particular flight path are the Boeing 777 – 300ER. I am such a Boeing fan. I would take a Boeing over an Airbus any day. And I am particularly fond of seat 46A on this plane. Check number one for Emirates. The layover in Dubai is a sweet, short 4 hours. I remember, coming back from Trinidad, flying (and I get exhausted just writing this) Trinidad-Tobago-Grenada-Barbados on one of those mini propeller island hopper planes that takes, like, 7 passengers. 9 hour layover in Barbados. Barbados-Heathrow. 18 hour layover in Heathrow. Heathrow-Cape Town. I am not a fan of the long layover after that puppy. Check number two for Emirates. Finally, they boast of their ‘world-class in-flight entertainment system’. Now, everyone knows that the most important thing on a flight is the entertainment system, followed closely by the drinks trolley. Video on demand? No problem! 80 channels to choose from? Choose away! Touch screen? Absolutely!

I am sold.

Emirates it is.